Posted by: dreamofdestiny | Friday, 27 Feb 2009


Year of Reckoning / February

I have lost all sense of control. I have never been so heartbroken ever in my life. I have never been so humiliated as well. Do you know how it feels like to bring yourself down, begging to someone?

Is proclaiming love something that is shameful? Are people just plain ignorance about the fact that it is ok to cherish someone you care for in public?

Do I deserve to be the target of harshed words? Trading swords for breads, that is what it is.

For the longest time in my life, I believe I am at a constant rate of not sleeping well, not eating well. Relations with everyone is scarce. I spent most time in my room, just pondering and staring blankly at that black spot on the floor. I do not even know what to do anymore.

I cannot move back, I cannot move forward. I am in a circle, a loop that is always spining and do not allow me to get off it. Never have I felt the blow of the Year of Miracle in its intensity.

I had that feeling since last year that this year is going to be one of those that is going to make me stand at the edge of a cliff. And I was proven correct.

I do not how to move on from here. I know one day I will, nobody wants to be miserable their whole life, but it would probably take something that I have not done before. Or something I have never experienced before.


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