Define Friends

For a long time, I decided against posting such a post as this. Recent events have inspired me to think otherwise, and for good reasons. Let me tell you a little about my backgroud. I used to be a very unfreindly person when I was a kid, I was more like a lone ranger in a way. In some parts, it is because of my interests and hobbies being very different from others, and also perhaps because I just did not have the confidence to do so.

It was difficult for me to call a person my friend. The very word friend denotes certain loyalty. To have a friend meaning you would need to be for that person when s/he needs you. To have a friend meaning to share parts of you with that person, even despite your differences, that you can relate to that person. To have a friend meaning to offer support to the person in whatever way you can.

For those that I call friends, I dedicate those things to them, in utter faithfulness. I came up with various different boundaries for all the people I know. Acquaintances, relatives, schoolmates, classmates, etc. Each of them differ in terms of how I regard those in each group. For those I call friends, I support them in every way. It may sound selfish, what I did, and it is, you would get no argument from me about that. I have been told many times. A few of my friends would regard anyone as friends. After all, there is an old Irish saying, “a friend is a stranger you haven’t met”.

Over time, especially when I started working, I began to refer to anyone as my friend, even people I only talked to less than a handful of times. Beneath all the coldness I project, I became friendly and approachable. I became warm and sensual to the friendships I have with the peole around me. I started calling everyone as ‘bro’ or ‘dear’, or something like that.

For a time, I felt happy, that I have finally begun to see what others of my friends see with having to regard everyone as your friend. It felt good … but only for a time. Then I noticed small fractures. Most often, the people who you refer to as friends, you do not really regard them as friends. Some would talk behind their friends’ back, to other friends. For someone who used to define friend so explicitly, I find that disturbing. But I carried on, believing that the goodness of it counteracts the bad.

Until, a incident happen recently which made me think that I was better off having friends that I really do care about. In short, certain of my actions (friendly actions) were began to be misinterpreted by certain people as something else. In wanting to project friendliness and warmness, I inadvertently did not think about how my actions would be perceived. Perhaps I never did the whole thing right, I do not know.

What I realise is that I cannot be too careless these days. I cannot be friendly to everyone. People would often have second opinions, or they just misinterpreted your whole purpose for something else. So now, I am back to that person who define friends as being people are really close to me, ones I believe would benefit from my care and attention, and they to me.

This post may give you an impression that I am choosy about friends. You cannot be more right than that. As of that incident, I am. I do not say that I am not friendly, but I will not spend time on things or people that would betray me.