It is a pity when a gift is rejected. The amount of time spent in silence to come up with the theme of the gift, the time spent choosing the appropriate look and feel, and the time spent to ensure that the person meant for the gift receives it. For the sender, all he wants to see is the look of happiness and joy on the receiver’s face. Yet it never come. What’s in its place is rebuttal, anger, and rage, that made the sender feel guilty.

One can say that the pain that the sender feels is so deep. To be torched about in open about something that he has planned, yet to find it unappreciated. Can one understand the pain? The pain that made him sleepless every night, the pain that made him lose muscles, the pain that causes the heart to be weak.

Does anyone know that the sender has been dreaming about the receiver for almost every night since that day they decide not to see each other again? Dreams, nightmares, maybe they’re not so different after all. It still makes the sender wakes up in the middle of the night, and could not go to sleep again. Lost his concentration, trying to look happy in public but inside, his heart is wrenching with thoughts unspoken.

It is a pity, to see someone like that. Have you ever come across any?

23 Jan 2009

I had an idea. Another of an effort to win her heart. Valentine’s day is only four weeks away. I have never done anything like preparing for a Valentine’s day celebration a month before. Yet, this is a good time as any, for someone special in my heart.

You know, I had it all planned out – plans for flowers, celebration choices, the words to use, the proposal. Took awhile to come up with them. Had to be perfect, or at least second to none. Maybe I will reveal the plan once 14 Feb really comes, see if what I planned will eventually happen or not.

Alas, I do not think it would be. Or, there is little hope if there ever is. The plan backfired. It is too personal to be shared here, for both of us. But I just need time to get used to all the changes that is happening around me here.

What is wrong with a guy trying to make the girl he loves feel special? My method may not be the best expected, yet, does it now show that I care? I do not understand it sometimes. Puzzled, and broken. And I still love her, maybe even more now.

God knows how much I miss her. People say you’re suppose to feel better as time goes by. If that is true, then why do I feel this way? Miss her more and more every day.

16 Jan 2009

I am on vacation with my family somewhere in this country. After eight (8) days of not seeing her, I thought this would allow me some time to enjoy myself. After all, I am with my loved ones, the people who would care about what happens to me no matter what. True, I did enjoy my time with them, yet inside, I feel hollow all the same.

I want so much to tell her that I wish she was here with me, enjoying the vacation, yet somehow I do not have the courage to do that. Why so, I wonder? God knows how much I miss her. I guess that happens when you spend so much time with a person. Or, thinking about a person, that it feels a little awkward without those thoughts in your mind.

I know once this vacation is over, and I am back in town, I would probably feel miserable again. But I still feel all the same about her. Love her in every way. That I do wish that we can get back to how things were, and go beyond it all the way.

Will she even be thinking of me then?