UPDATE:

I will be updating the blog bits by bits from its last date, 09 Jan 2009.

What follows from then till today would be in some part, what I experienced in the last month. I hope in many parts, that people may be relating well to it.

I am still recovering, and I do not know when I will fully recover.

Updates will be posted with backdated dates. Knowledge items would be posted on the usual Tuesdays till Thursdays. Weekends for Movies and Video Games. My experience would be noted in other days.

Thank you for reading.

“What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me—
nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.” – Hamlet

“My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts.” – Rosencrantz

Hamlet Act 2, scene 2, 303–312

30 Jan 2009

It is a pity when a gift is rejected. The amount of time spent in silence to come up with the theme of the gift, the time spent choosing the appropriate look and feel, and the time spent to ensure that the person meant for the gift receives it. For the sender, all he wants to see is the look of happiness and joy on the receiver’s face. Yet it never come. What’s in its place is rebuttal, anger, and rage, that made the sender feel guilty.

One can say that the pain that the sender feels is so deep. To be torched about in open about something that he has planned, yet to find it unappreciated. Can one understand the pain? The pain that made him sleepless every night, the pain that made him lose muscles, the pain that causes the heart to be weak.

Does anyone know that the sender has been dreaming about the receiver for almost every night since that day they decide not to see each other again? Dreams, nightmares, maybe they’re not so different after all. It still makes the sender wakes up in the middle of the night, and could not go to sleep again. Lost his concentration, trying to look happy in public but inside, his heart is wrenching with thoughts unspoken.

It is a pity, to see someone like that. Have you ever come across any?

23 Jan 2009

I had an idea. Another of an effort to win her heart. Valentine’s day is only four weeks away. I have never done anything like preparing for a Valentine’s day celebration a month before. Yet, this is a good time as any, for someone special in my heart.

You know, I had it all planned out – plans for flowers, celebration choices, the words to use, the proposal. Took awhile to come up with them. Had to be perfect, or at least second to none. Maybe I will reveal the plan once 14 Feb really comes, see if what I planned will eventually happen or not.

Alas, I do not think it would be. Or, there is little hope if there ever is. The plan backfired. It is too personal to be shared here, for both of us. But I just need time to get used to all the changes that is happening around me here.

What is wrong with a guy trying to make the girl he loves feel special? My method may not be the best expected, yet, does it now show that I care? I do not understand it sometimes. Puzzled, and broken. And I still love her, maybe even more now.

God knows how much I miss her. People say you’re suppose to feel better as time goes by. If that is true, then why do I feel this way? Miss her more and more every day.

16 Jan 2009

I am on vacation with my family somewhere in this country. After eight (8) days of not seeing her, I thought this would allow me some time to enjoy myself. After all, I am with my loved ones, the people who would care about what happens to me no matter what. True, I did enjoy my time with them, yet inside, I feel hollow all the same.

I want so much to tell her that I wish she was here with me, enjoying the vacation, yet somehow I do not have the courage to do that. Why so, I wonder? God knows how much I miss her. I guess that happens when you spend so much time with a person. Or, thinking about a person, that it feels a little awkward without those thoughts in your mind.

I know once this vacation is over, and I am back in town, I would probably feel miserable again. But I still feel all the same about her. Love her in every way. That I do wish that we can get back to how things were, and go beyond it all the way.

Will she even be thinking of me then?

I define physical art as those types that you do not draw or paint, but rather recquire extensive movement of the arms and such. I guess you can say that arts like sculptures, wood decoration, and such are among those.

These kinds of arts have a special place in my heart. Probably because they are the only types I seem to be able to relate to when I was in school. All the handcrafted art that I did seem to garnered high scores back then.

Maybe I should start a project about those again. Well, I guess I have a few already. I am not certain if it is time to mention it here.

How Soon Is Now?
The Smiths

i am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
i am the son and heir
of nothing in particular

you shut your mouth
how can you say
i go about things the wrong way ?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does

i am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
i am the son and heir
oh, of nothing in particular

you shut your mouth
how can you say
i go about things the wrong way ?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does

there’s a club, if you’d like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

when you say it’s gonna happen “now”
well, when exactly do you mean ?
see i’ve already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

you shut your mouth
how can you say
i go about things the wrong way ?
i am human and i need to be loved
just like everybody else does

Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls (GBA)

This is a compilation of the two series that spring Final Fantasy into what it is today. Released for GBA platform, it sports several enhancements not found in their original counterparts. For reference and review of the original games, you may visit here, and here.

Final Fantasy I

What I like a lot about the game is the addition of Bestiary section, which can be accessed from outside the game itself. Reading profiles of monsters and bosses are sometimes educational, within the realm of Final Fantasy, that is.

One other thing I would say is that on many level, the games appear quite simple to complete as compared to their original counterparts. Games of the 80s were very, very difficult.

MP points are introduced in favour of the point-based system of the original, which makes the game more accessible. The game cartridge allows for three saved locations, thereby eliminating the need to save at Inns in the original game. That also means that players can save the game at any point, outside battle and dialogues that is.

There are also four additional dungeons based on the elements present in the game. They can be accessed through some mini-quests.

Final Fantasy II

The level system retains with a lockout on the available cheat in the original game. Plus, stats decrease are eliminated, thus making a potentially perfect character possible, albeit still taking quite a long time.

There is an additional section called Soul of Rebirth which outlines the story of perished characters in the game, and their journey once they died. It makes for an interesting twist to the storyline

Live Free or Die Hard

Live Free or Die Hard, also commonly known as Die Hard 4.0, is the latest installment in the Die Hard series after a tweve year hiatus from Die Hard with a Vengeance. Like its predecessors, the film is filled with action-packed scenes. Due to in part of special technology, the visual cues in this film is even more impressive than the previous ones.

As a trend that normally revolves around movies of the 21st century, the plot involves a group of cyberterrorists wanting to dominate control over the public infrastructure by causing havoc to the U.S. government. They made it seemed like everything is so simple, from deleting your 401 records to having access to any closed-loop circuit television cameras anywhere. Well, for movie’s sake, the effect is quite good.

In this film, Bruce Willis’ character has the privileged help of Matt Farrell, played by the famous ‘I’m a Mac, and I’m a PC’ actor, Justin Long. I always like that kid. He has that geeky coolness. In the movie, he plays as a fugitive hacker whose being tracked by the cyberterrorist group, and John McClane has to protect him.

If you like fully action-packed movies, this is one for you.

For a long time, I decided against posting such a post as this. Recent events have inspired me to think otherwise, and for good reasons. Let me tell you a little about my backgroud. I used to be a very unfreindly person when I was a kid, I was more like a lone ranger in a way. In some parts, it is because of my interests and hobbies being very different from others, and also perhaps because I just did not have the confidence to do so.

It was difficult for me to call a person my friend. The very word friend denotes certain loyalty. To have a friend meaning you would need to be for that person when s/he needs you. To have a friend meaning to share parts of you with that person, even despite your differences, that you can relate to that person. To have a friend meaning to offer support to the person in whatever way you can.

For those that I call friends, I dedicate those things to them, in utter faithfulness. I came up with various different boundaries for all the people I know. Acquaintances, relatives, schoolmates, classmates, etc. Each of them differ in terms of how I regard those in each group. For those I call friends, I support them in every way. It may sound selfish, what I did, and it is, you would get no argument from me about that. I have been told many times. A few of my friends would regard anyone as friends. After all, there is an old Irish saying, “a friend is a stranger you haven’t met”.

Over time, especially when I started working, I began to refer to anyone as my friend, even people I only talked to less than a handful of times. Beneath all the coldness I project, I became friendly and approachable. I became warm and sensual to the friendships I have with the peole around me. I started calling everyone as ‘bro’ or ‘dear’, or something like that.

For a time, I felt happy, that I have finally begun to see what others of my friends see with having to regard everyone as your friend. It felt good … but only for a time. Then I noticed small fractures. Most often, the people who you refer to as friends, you do not really regard them as friends. Some would talk behind their friends’ back, to other friends. For someone who used to define friend so explicitly, I find that disturbing. But I carried on, believing that the goodness of it counteracts the bad.

Until, a incident happen recently which made me think that I was better off having friends that I really do care about. In short, certain of my actions (friendly actions) were began to be misinterpreted by certain people as something else. In wanting to project friendliness and warmness, I inadvertently did not think about how my actions would be perceived. Perhaps I never did the whole thing right, I do not know.

What I realise is that I cannot be too careless these days. I cannot be friendly to everyone. People would often have second opinions, or they just misinterpreted your whole purpose for something else. So now, I am back to that person who define friends as being people are really close to me, ones I believe would benefit from my care and attention, and they to me.

This post may give you an impression that I am choosy about friends. You cannot be more right than that. As of that incident, I am. I do not say that I am not friendly, but I will not spend time on things or people that would betray me.

From a cultural perspective, the sociological aspect of a society contributes to the environment in which these sociological behaviours materialises. These, in turn, became the norm of a society, or some would say, unwritten rules. It can be as basic as, knocking a door before entering someone’s house, or very different from one society to the next, like, in several Eastern cultures, it is expected to leave your shoes outside the house.

Perhaps the most common observations of thse sociological aspect of culture on environment is on the way Western and Easter people approach their daily lives. From the Western point of view, the culture is often casual, with one person calling a stranger by their first name even after they have only met for a day. The work culture of the west also is very casual, with typically the employees are allowed to wear any kind of shirts or dresses, with certain guidelines.

The Eastern culture tends to be protocol-oriented, generally referring to people by their family names. Work culture also tends to be very disciplined, in terms of clothing guidelines, and the boundary between male and female interaction is often emphasised. Respect for elders is always highlighted.

Of course, there are no right or wrong about any of the different culture. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses, and one could learn a lot from one another. When the time comes when the world can see its people as having only one culture, the best of all cultures would be realised, one that I will certainly welcome.

Everyone knows that the traditional source of fuel is declining in stock. Energy companies have begun to devise alternative or even replacement to the current petroleum-based fuel that we know. I list down in brief the fuels for the future thatwe might see in the next few decades. Mind you, some of them are already here, but not globally recognised yet.

One of these is the biofuel based on ethanol. Relatively easy produce, based on corns and plants, the most appealing characteristic of it is that it is reproducible, unlike petroleum. Some countries have begun using it for years, notably Brazil. Price maybe another issue as agricultural cost has risen over the years.

Another of these is the biodiesel fuel, which is based on vegetable oil and animal fats. It is clean, less carbon dioxide but more nitorgen oxide, which emits in the form of smoke. Cost-wise almost similar to the ethanol-based.

Electric-powered cars were also a consideration. Electricity is very clean, but more complex to be built. The best part of all this, is that cars can be used to power up houses and such, because it is using electricity. Power can also be stocked to the car in similar way as how you use other electrical appliances.

Hyrogen fuel has been long considered as an alternative. Relatively easy to produce, it is the most common element in the known universe. But, care must be taken into the implementation, as hydrogen is also highly combustible.

Two types of fuels that are radical but very promising are water and air fuel. Granted, these are the two that would probably be the top of my own list, being clean and reproducible. For water fuel, the best part is probably no gaseous emission other than clean, cold air, which would certainly cool our city streets.

Over the next few entrie, I will explain more on each of the fuels, I may even introduce new ones. Till then.

Fidel Castro is the only surviving politicians from the Cold War eras, surviving others from his own time. Ironically, he is the one associated with the most assassination attempts. Though I can talk at great lengths about his exploits in the Cold War eras, but I believe it is suffice to list the assassination attempts here in point form as below:

1. The CIA attempted to dose Castro’s cigar with a deadly toxin, and slipped it in during his visit to the UN. It failed.
2. Another attempt by the CIA involved dosing the cigar with some form of hallucinogen, to embarrass Castro in a public appearance. That did not work as well.
3. Yet, another attempt by the CIA involved loading Castro’s shoes with thalium salts, said to might have caused Castro’s hair (beard, eyebrow, pubic hair) to fall out, an attempt to embarrass him.
4. The CIA also attempted to contaminate a scuba diving gear with tuberculosis bacili and also some fungus to cause a skin disease. The delivery to Castro never took place because Castro was instead delivered a non-contaminated diving gear instead.
5. Also, a plan to place an exploding shell near Castro’s diving spot was dismissed.
6. One of the weirdest plan was an attempt to make Castro appear to be the anti-Christ. It was hoped that the people of Cuba would raise and fight against Castro.

These are not an extensive list of course. I got a few comments that I should keep my posts short, so this is quite as short as it can be.

Sick & Tired
The Cardigans

Sick, tired and homeless
With no one here to sing for
Tired of being weightless
For all these looking good boys

You can always say my attic has its charm
You can always say you did no major harm
You can always that summer had its charm
And that you did no major harm
Oh, spare me if you please

Sick, tired an sleepless
With no one else to shine for
Sick of all my distress
But I won’t show I’m still poor

Symptoms are so deep
Something here’s so wrong
Nothing is complete
Nowhere to belong
Symptoms are so deep
I think I’d better stay
Here on my own
So spare me if you please

To Life and to Love. To start the Year of Reckoning feeling not so well, within and without. Only weeks passed from the Heal of 2008, and already a challenge has come. Not as strange, as it has appeared before, only maybe now, it has come out of its dormant stage.

That sickness in me, seems so innocent and so harmless. Yet, who knows what real danger it may pose. I have let it to be dormant for too long already, in favour of Heal.

I should do something about it …